Is There Really a RIGHT Time To Get Pregnant?
By: A.M. Hawkins, LCSW
From the second we are born we are expected to follow the invisible order in life. Crawl. Walk. Talk. Go to school. Don't get pregnant. Get good grades. Join a sport. Don't get pregnant. Graduate High School. Go to college. Get good grades. Don't get pregnant. Play on a team. Graduate College. Find the job of your dreams. Don't get pregnant. Make money. Have fun. Find the love of your life. Get engaged. Don't get pregnant. Get a dog. Plan a wedding. Don't get pregnant. Buy a house. Find a hobby. Eat healthily. Don't get pregnant. Buy a car. Donate blood. Don't get pregnant.
Get married.
Get pregnant.
Are you pregnant yet?
The Invisible Timeline Of Life
From the beginning of time, our ancestors created a set of footprints for us all to follow, especially when it comes to getting pregnant. There are invisible rules established without our consent. And you must follow them, right? WRONG!
We spend most of our young adult life trying to conform to pressures. We must follow a specific timeline of events. It is a seemingly long straight road. Easy, right. What you cannot see are the paths that branch out along the way. An unexpected detour. A roadblocked sign. A caution sign. Whether you saw this timeline as a game you were trying to win or you unconsciously traveled through life following it, we all traveled the same road. When we strayed off the path, shame and guilt would guide us back. Taking one step closer to the "American Dream".
The American Dream Only Applied To Men
We have come far. As women, we are no longer confined to being housewives. We have lobbied and fought hard to be included in the working world and rather than be part of the American Dream, we can now build our own American Dream. The problem is that becoming equal in the working world meant that we gained more. More stress. More pressure. Now we are not only expected to get pregnant and maintain a household but also to maintain jobs. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, mothers are birthing children at an older age. In fact, it is up by 6 years, in 1972 the average age of an expecting mother was 21
years young.
So When is the Right Time To Try To Conceive (TTC)?
In a nutshell, this answer can never be completely verified. Some women just know they want to be mothers and others that take time warming up to the idea. Some women get pregnant right away and others could potentially wait years for it to happen. Growing up and seeing your grandma, mother, aunts, and cousins conceive without query makes you believe it will be that easy for you too. News flash, I believed that.
You Are Not Alone
Are there other women out there going through the journey of TTC silently? Are these women, like me, suffering the same fears? The fear of telling someone. The fear of telling someone and then it never happens. The fear of wanting something so bad that if you speak it out loud the dream will die right there on the spot? Why are we so afraid? Is it because of the pressure society places on us? Is being a mother defined by birthing a child? Maybe not.
Your Personal Journey
Just like there is no one else on the planet quite like you, the same applies to your journey of TTC. Starting with the question, "Do you want to be a mother?" That question is quite different from the one that follows, which is, "Do you want to TTC?" Everyone has a unique journey in life, this is just part of that journey. While society might suggest that birthing a child is the way to become a mother, the timeline may delay or even prevent us from TTC. It is important to not pass judgment on yourself or your partner during the process. You may have a plan mapped out, but sometimes the way in which we arrive at the end may be a much different road than we anticipated.
Sources:
Mathews TJ, Hamilton BE. Mean age of mother, 1970–2000. National vital statistics reports; vol 51 no 1. Hyattsville, Maryland: National Center for Health Statistics. 2002.
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